Holidays & Boundaries

Holidays are stressful. You are already coping with regular everyday anxiety and boom!, holiday season arrives, full of triggers. You’re invited to social events, work gift exchanges, family or friend group texts. And then there’s all the hype on social media, culminating in those annual highlight reels: images of happy people in beautiful settings, cute couples, families in matching pajamas cuddled together drinking hot chocolate… And in the midst of all this, you might be going through a recent move, divorce, break up, new job, or maybe you lost a job, a loved one, or a dear pet.

All these demands can take a toll on us, and we must take care of ourselves. Take a few deep breaths and focus on the present moment. This is where we find joy and grace. So often, we miss out on the good feelings that can arise from sharing time with loved ones because we are overthinking, dodging passive-aggressive comments by family members, dealing with the aunt who always comments on your physical appearance or asks, “Why aren’t you eating my apple pie?” It can seem like judgement after judgment.

The truth is, their behavior has nothing to do with you. Remembering this and setting boundaries will help you navigate through these events without allowing them to steal your inner peace. Below are some examples of how to establish healthy boundaries. This will feel uncomfortable at first and may take some practice getting used to, but once you do, you are sure to experience moments of peace. These moments become addictive, because you will want to feel this way again and again.

Types of Boundaries & Examples

There are many different types of boundaries. Space, time, topic, and body-image boundaries are common ones, especially useful during the holidays.

Space

Say what you need.

• I need to go upstairs now.

• I need some fresh air.

• I am going to get some quiet time.

• I am going to walk the dogs by myself.

Time

Go in with a plan.

• I need to leave by 7:00.

• I can’t stay overnight but am excited to spend the day with you.

• I am unable to attend. Thanks so much for invite.

• I will be at mom’s until 2:00 and then at dad’s for dinner.

Topic

Direct the conversation.

• I prefer not to talk about this while we are at lunch.

• I am working on this and not comfortable talking about it right now.

• This is a topic I am not ready to discuss.

• I like my job and am committed to see where it leads.

 Body Image 

Stand your ground.

• I feel uncomfortable when you mention my weight or tell me I am not eating enough.

• Let’s focus on our time together as a family rather than on my eating habits.

• I appreciate you making these desserts, but I am going to pass on them today.

Setting boundaries is liberating. Give it a try. Soon, you will see that it’s okay, even good, for you to speak your truth. And maybe you’ll even enjoy your holidays.