The Difference Between Your Healthy Self & Eating-Disorder Self

By Joden Stoner

Whether or not you’re aware of it, if you have an eating disorder, you are constantly fighting an internal battle in your head. No, you’re not crazy, nor do you have multiple personalities. However, most individuals with an eating disorder are able to identify a healthy self versus an eating-disorder self, and acknowledge there is a constant mental battle raging between them. The eating-disorder self can become relentless, hurtful, and demanding, and prevents that individual from enjoying life the way they deserve. Thoughts that portray eating-disorder self could present as some of the examples below. (And, yes, the voice speaks in both first and second person, sometimes saying “you,” other times “I.”)

Examples:

You can’t eat all of that.

You’ve already reached 600 calories today; that’s too much.

I need to workout and burn this amount of calories.

If I just lose 10 more pounds, I will be happy.

I used to be a size zero; I will be happy once I get back to that.

The list of negative statements an individual struggling with an eating disorder hears in their mind on a daily basis is endless. This voice in your head has its own perspective and different thoughts and feelings than your healthy self does. The important thing to remember is that you also have a healthy self. 

In my practice, when a client tells me, “I don’t have a healthy self anymore. All I hear is the eating-disorder voice,” I believe without a doubt that they believe this to be true. However, if I ask the same client to tell me what they would say to a little girl or a friend who is saying things like, “I can’t eat that because I’m already too fat,” they immediately assure me that they would tell this person not to worry about those things and they are beautiful. That, right there! That is the healthy self and healthy voice speaking up. 

Rest assured, your healthy self and more rational voice are still there, inside you. However, it’s common to fall into a pattern of acknowledging only your eating-disorder self. It may be easy for you to utilize your healthy self and healthy voice when speaking to or about friends or loved ones, but why don’t you deserve to say those things to yourself? The answer is: You do! 

So, how do we retrain our brain to build new habits and start to give more credit to our healthy self? First, we accept that our eating-disorder self is a part of who we are, and that every part of ourselves is significant and important. Examining these parts is how we learn about ourselves and our insecurities. Know that you are not alone and everyone has insecurities. No one is perfect, and that’s a beautiful thing. In order to start acknowledging the healthy self, utilizing positive self-talk and identifying rational thought processes is significant during recovery. And ya know what? It’s okay if you don’t believe these statements at first. Just keep saying them and practicing these skills. 

Following are some examples of positive self-talk statements to help you become more rational. These types of statements counteract and reframe eating-disorder thoughts.

Examples:

If I over eat or under eat today, I can get back on track tomorrow.

I am not a failure and I value my health.

There are people I respect who have recovered, and I can recover as well.

Feeling full and satisfied is not the same thing as feeling fat.

I am not perfect, no one is perfect, and perfection is not real.

I am beautiful and I am worthy of happiness.

To end, I want to suggest utilizing a helpful exercise from one of my favorite books, which I recommend to many clients. The book is 8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder. The exercise is a journal assignment: Write a goodbye letter to your eating-disorder self. You may not be ready to say goodbye, and that’s okay, but challenge yourself to use your healthy self while completing this assignment.

In Need of Counseling in Wilmington, NC?

At Clarity Counseling, our therapists are dedicated to helping you break down harmful patterns and replace them with peace, joy, and fulfillment. No matter what you’re experiencing, we can help. Learn more about eating disorders here, then contact us today to schedule a counseling session. We’d love to hear from you!

About the Author

Joden Stoner is a Wilmington therapist who specializes in treating eating disorders including anorexia, bulimia, OSFED, and binge eating disorder. She utilizes a consistent approach to treating eating disorders with a goal of improving quality of life through enhanced cognitive and emotional awareness and regulation.

References

Costin, C., & Grabb, G.S. (2012). 8 Keys to recovery from an eating disorder (8th ed.). W.W. Norton & Company.