No, Things Won’t Ever Be The Same

But it’s going to be okay.

Global outbreaks of disease and illness aren’t a new phenomenon. Human history is punctuated by periods of plague and pandemic: the Justinianic plague in 541 AD, Black Death in the mid-14th century, and Spanish Influenza of 1918 to name just a few. Even modern pandemics aren’t especially novel; we saw Ebola in 2014, Swine Flu in 2010, and SARS in 2003. Millions of people are still fighting the HIV/AIDS pandemic.

But sure, this is different.

COVID-19 is unprecedented in scale and scope, not just in rates of infection and related outcomes, but in the way it continues to affect nearly every facet of our daily lives and how we function as global citizens. A few months ago, everything slowed to a grinding halt without warning or our consent, and nothing has returned to “normal” since then.

Of course, there are the obvious horrors of a pandemic: severe illness and tragic loss of life. But that’s not all. Children are home because schools are closed. In many places only “essential” businesses are open. Grocery stores run out of toilet paper. Social distancing guidelines have been instituted. Rates of unemployment have skyrocketed to unseen numbers. Many people are working remotely, navigating the various challenges of working from home while figuring out how to communicate effectively over a Zoom meeting, unsure of what the term “work/life balance” even means now. Others, who have found themselves labeled as “essential workers,” are experiencing the devastation of this pandemic in unique and very complex ways.

Modern media reporting and proliferation of social networking platforms allow us to be inundated with news about the global suffering of the pandemic at the touch of a button or a swipe of a finger.

Our well-planned hopes and dreams for the future now seem uncertain. Graduation ceremonies were canceled. Weddings have been postponed. That much anticipated vacation? Date now TBD. Even smaller things we used to look forward to—going to the movies, hugging our grandparents, dinner with friends, walking on the beach—are on hold for the moment. And my husband would like me to mention that many people are also sad about the cancellation of sporting events. (Some of us are less sad about this but understand the loss.)

Speaking of husband, many people are spending more time with their spouse/children/animals than ever before. Unsurprisingly, complicated feelings arise as a result of all this sudden together time.

This pandemic is changing the landscape of our lives in so many ways. We wonder, will things ever get back to “normal”?

As you may have guessed from the title of this post, the answer is “no.” No, things will never be the same. And that’s okay. But things will get better. In much the same way that previous generations were forever altered by events such as world wars and the Great Depression, ours will be colored with the enormity of this shared experience in ways that we’re only just beginning to understand.

I’ve heard the pandemic appropriately described as a global “trauma,” and recognizing the aversive mental health effects of this are hugely important. An article on Harvard Business Review states, “We are dealing with two contagions—the virus itself and the emotions it generates.”1 People are experiencing a broad range of emotions related to the current situation and may feel as though they have reached their “max capacity” for managing them. Negative emotions affect our minds much like a virus infects a body, undermining our ability to function normally, think rationally, and engage in healthy behaviors.

It’s important to know, first, you are not alone, and second, there are things you can do to improve the way you feel during these uncertain times.

1. Give yourself grace. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would if your child/parent/spouse/best friend came to you feeling the way you feel. Would you sit with them, listen, comfort? I bet you would. Treat yourself the same way.

2. Reach out to the people you love. Send a text. Shoot someone a quick email just to tell them you’re thinking about them. Write a letter (you know, the old fashioned kind!).

3. Come to terms with the fact that things will be different. Let it sink in. Sit with it. Learn how to accept this as something that cannot be changed. Remind yourself that the only thing any of us can ever really change is our response to what happens to us in life. Then come up with new plans for yourself and your future.

4. Engage in self-care. This may sound cliché, but there’s a reason mental health professionals encourage these types of behaviors. Stress literally becomes toxic to our internal systems if not balanced by behaviors that bring us peace. My colleague, Bridgette Grant LCSW, wrote a fantastic blog with suggestions for self-care activities: https://www.claritywilmington.com/clarityblog/self-care-in-strange-times

5. Seek help from professionals. Therapy can help people process negative emotions in healthy ways and learn skills that build resilience and empowerment. Therapy teaches you how to bring a level of awareness to the things you are feeling and provides you with the tools to help manage them instead of being consumed by them. It can help guide you to the formation of new goals and plans for the future and enable you to find power in the “now” as you prepare for the “after.” Because there will be an after. It will be different. Things won’t be the same. And that’s okay.

References

Schwartz, T., & Pines, E.(2020, March 23). Coping with fatigue, fear, and panic during a crisis. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2020/03/coping-with-fatigue-fear-and-panic-during-a-crisis