Parenting through a Pandemic

The current state of the world has left everyone in various stages of panic. There is a common theme heard in teletherapy sessions, which is also seen sprinkled across just about every social media site: Parents are struggling. Mothers and fathers across the globe are working to find their own new normal at the same time they are trying to establish a new normal for their kids, when all the while, NOTHING IS NORMAL. Below are several key factors to parenting through an adverse event such as the pandemic.

1.  Grab the oxygen mask

You cannot support your family if you don’t take care of yourself. This means you need to take the time to assess what you need. Are you sleeping well, eating healthily, and exercising? Are you allowing time for yourself? Even during normal times, parents of young children often find it difficult to carve out time for themselves, but this is key to restoring and resetting, which are vital right now. This might mean you and your partner need to take turns with “downtime,” or put the kids to bed early so you can enjoy an impromptu date night together, or even just pause for a few moments to catch your breath.

2.  Get real

It is very important to set realistic expectations for yourself and your family. The kids are more than likely not going to sit at the table and complete hours of school work, your house is not going to be spotless, and you are not going to get a perfect meal on the table 3 times per day. Despite some of the “perfect” posts you may see, no one is doing this pandemic perfectly. No one. Take some time to assess what is truly important right now. Break them down into 3 lists: Need To, Have To, Want To. If a messy kitchen brings you to breaking point, then focus on keeping that at bay, but then let go of the idea that the kids’ play room must be pristine. Put some loose structure in place for yourself and your kids with dedicated times for learning, family, going outside, etc., but recognize it is unlikely these times will be concrete and that this is okay. 

3.  Grow beyond textbooks

Many parents panicked when it became clear that not only will their kids be home ALL THE TIME, but now they are also responsible for their children’s education. Stop panicking. No one is expecting your child to return to school at the next scholarly level. Neither you nor they will be graded on how well your “home school” runs. Yes, you should allow for some academic time, but do what works for you, your kids, and your household. That might mean an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon, or something completely different. There are no wrong answers. Your kids will be okay! This time at home also allows for growth far beyond proverbial textbooks. Don’t underestimate unstructured learning, such as how to make a bed or plant a garden or bake a cake, and how this can lead to new creative outlets, make-believe games, etc. What is important is to keep kids mentally stimulated with something other than electronics.

4.  Give grace

In this time of uncertainty, we all need to give and receive a little more grace. This is a period in which frustration, anxiety, and uncertainty will all soar. Remember to practice “the pause” before speaking or acting during these unprecedented days, and know that everyone is doing their best, including you. 

5.  Gratitude

With all the changes and chaos that have occurred along with this pandemic, there has also been a shift in gratitude. Clients and peers are beginning to see what is important and all the things we missed out on by sprinting through life. Life prior to the pandemic looked like a rat race for most of us. Take this time to truly be present, aware, and grateful for this time. Listen to the laughter of your children as they play or even as they make a mess, ask questions about who and what they miss, watch ridiculous videos with them and try to understand why they are important to them, play games and do art projects with them. 

This time at home might be overwhelming, but it can also be rewarding. You have the power to choose what you gain or lose from this time. Choose wisely!