Managing a Quarter-life Crisis
by Shaina Frank
Are you in your mid-ish 20s? Have you found yourself in a recent space of crisis, wondering who you are or what you might do with your life? If so, you are right where you’re supposed to be, at least as far as psychosocial development goes.
According to research, the current generation of 20-somethings struggles more and experiences higher levels of anxiety and depression. Greater uncertainty, pandemic life, and the “hustle culture” that paralyzes people of all ages at this time contributes to their sense of crisis. This specific stage of development is compounded by decisions and questions that direct and guide one’s life. While adolescence involves its own sets of questions and planning, managing your mid-20s likely involves making more permanent and impactful decisions.
Social media also drives anxiety and fear during the 20s. It can be easy to compare your life trajectory (e.g., age of marriage, career, kids, buying a house) to someone else’s and worry whether or not you are “on the right track.” By getting to know yourself, finding adequate support, and by offering yourself compassion, your quarter-life crisis can be managed in a more efficient and kind fashion. Here are a few ways to support yourself during your 20s.
1) Get to know yourself and what’s important to you
The decade of your 20s involves so much change, and it’s natural for you to change as well. In order to best support yourself and make decisions, you have to know yourself and what’s important to you. What you valued at the beginning of your 20s might not look like what you value during your mid to late 20s. With increased knowledge of ourselves comes increased confidence in making decisions.
A good way to identify what is important to you now is by evaluating your values. Brené Brown’s “List of Values” is a great place to start. Pick your top 5 and see how to implement those into your life over the course of the next year.
Another excellent way to get to know yourself is by examining your strengths. Check out the free VIA Character Strengths Survey to understand yourself more specifically and to gain insight into where you thrive the best.
2) Talk about it
Chances are you aren’t alone in these feelings. Regardless of age, gender, occupation, relational or financial status, no one has it all (life) figured out. According to Brené Brown, “By keeping quiet, … shame will grow exponentially. ‘It will creep into every corner and crevice of your life.’” (HuffPost, 2013).
The 20s are often referred to as the decade of identity crisis, because you are evolving at a rapid pace. Things like social media can make us feel we are alone in our confusion. It’s important to remember that social media often depicts highlight reels, or only the best parts of our lives. It’s likely that your coworker, friend, or 20-something neighbor feels similarly to you. Talk about it and allow yourself to both give and receive the needed empathy that comes with managing your 20s during the 2020s.
3) Self-compassion
There is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to deciding what you want to do with your life. The most important thing you can practice in your 20s is living in alignment with your own values and giving yourself space and permission to be human during the process. This involves tolerating uncertainty, allowing yourself to fail and make inevitable mistakes, and offering yourself kindness when things don’t pan out the way you expected. Attempting to manage your 20s through perfectionism will only further increase feelings of inadequacy and shame.
Adulting in the 2020s is difficult, to say the least. Our therapists are knowledgeable and skilled in working with issues and struggles directly related to the GenZ and Millennial populations. Quarter-life crises are common but do not have to be managed alone. Schedule an appointment with a therapist at Clarity to learn skills and techniques to better support this evolving decade.
References
Brené Brown. Living into our values. https://brenebrown.com/resources/living-into-our-values/
Okura, L. (2013, August 27). Brené Brown on shame: ‘It cannot survive empathy.’ HuffPost. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/brene-brown-shame_n_3807115
Shallcross, L. (2016, April 22). Validating the quarter-life crisis. Counseling Today. https://ct.counseling.org/2016/04/validating-the-quarter-life-crisis/
VIA Institute on Character. The VIA Character Strengths Survey. https://www.viacharacter.org
