Breakups Suck. 5 Ways Make Them Easier
Going through a breakup? The end of a relationship is one of the most painful gut-wrenching, heart-wrenching, difficult to put into words experiences. Below are a few highly effective break up tips to get you though.
1) Write a bi*%# list
It's easy to romanticize a relationship that has recently ended. But the truth is: it ended for a reason. Write a list of the things that were wrong with the relationship. If needed call on the help of a trusted and supportive friend or family member. This exercise is not meant to villainize your ex. It's simply to help you see the breakup from a balanced perspective. It's imperative this list is in writing or in the notes section of your phone. Keep it close and re-read it in moments of need (i.e., late night texting). Reflect honestly and be real.
2) Mourn the loss
Ugly cry, stay in bed all day, binge-watch Netflix, indulge chocolate and ice cream. It's healthy for you to release the grief and pain. I often say the end of a relationship is like a death. It's the end of something. It's also important to find the balance even during mourning, take your time to be sad but put a limit on wallowing. That doesn't mean you get 5 minutes to grieve. In fact, most people think they should be over their breakup sooner than is realistic. Grieving takes time. Don't focus on getting over it, focus on embodying the new single you and creating a life you love. You need time and support. Be sad and allow yourself to get enough rest, feed yourself well, and get outside.
3) Nooo contact
Take some space. The number one thing I hear from the newly broken up is "..... but we're still friends". The number two thing I hear is a need for "closure." This strategy is quite like ripping off a Band-Aid. You and your ex are not friends; not yet anyway. Sex and intimacy is a bond, and it just changes things. My rule of thumb is that you are not truly friends with your ex unless you can go on a double date together.
It's also crucial we put an end to viral stalking. You may want to consider blocking your ex on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, email, texts, and anywhere else you need. Avoid places that you know your ex frequents. In this context blocking your ex is an act of self-care, not hostility. This is break up protocol, not forever. What's most important is allowing yourself the space you need to heal and move on.
Avoid initiating contact. The desire to reach out to your ex is normal. Try reaching out to one of your BFFs instead. And sleeping together, while common, will absolutely set you back a few steps from your intention of moving on.
If your ex continues to call and text set boundaries. Ask them to keep their distance tell them that you can't heal with them around. Act with dignity and respect yourself. You deserve it.
4) Your single self is calling, pick up
You are an amazing human, and your amazing single self is there waiting to stretch its legs. No matter how unfortunate the circumstance you are beautifully unattached. You can go wherever you want whenever you want. Do what you like, when you like. That is incredible freedom! Start small by getting back to the things you enjoyed before the relationship or try spending time with friends.
5) Phone a Friend
This is the time to call on your tribe. Think of people close to you. Who will be a positive force at this moment? Who will support you? Those are the people you need to spend more time with post break-up. Even if you're not talking about the breakup just spending time in the presence of people who love and care about you has healing properties.
Be gentle with yourself. Ending a relationship is a process and takes time. If you could use some support developing the emotional tools you need to survive a breakup, or you're worried your breakup mourning has gone on too long consider scheduling a session with a therapist.