Sometimes Even a Couple’s Therapist Needs Couple’s Therapy
by Emily Steel
There is a common misconception that therapists have it all together. Guess what? We don’t.
A couple is made up of two unique individuals, and both of these individuals bring with them their own love language, attachment style, communication style, needs, desires, history, and perspective. Everyone has their own idea of how a relationship “should” look. Rarely, does a couple’s picture of this perfectly align. (If it did, you’d be dating/married to yourself!) This is completely normal, but it doesn’t mean that learning to understand these differences is easy. In fact, it is a process that takes commitment, patience, and self-reflection. It is my belief that the best place to do this is in a safe therapeutic space such as a counseling center.
I have dedicated my career to helping couples resolve conflict, improve their communication, and enjoy a more satisfying relationship after treatment. Before my husband and I got married, I asked him to go to couple’s counseling with me. At the beginning, he was a little reluctant, but now, he will tell anyone who asks that it was incredibly helpful.
Like any couple, my husband and I argue. We are humans, and we are not perfect. Arguing or conflict is a normal part of relationships. The research of Dr. John Gottman reveals that while the amount of arguing in a relationship is not a predictor of relationship satisfaction, the way you argue is. For us, it was extremely helpful to not only learn but also practice good communication and conflict resolution skills in session with our therapist. We have very different styles of arguing. I tend to get more heated and a little loud, whereas he is more introspective and gets quiet. You can imagine how this didn’t always lead to constructive arguments. Through therapy, we were able to learn more about why we do this, what triggers us in arguments, and practice good conflict resolution. We were able to build awareness and put that into action with a therapist present who could guide us and help us to master the skills.
My husband—yes, the guy who was reluctant to even try therapy in the first place—has now printed out the steps to effective conflict resolution and will pull them out during difficult conversations to remind us to utilize these skills. Ultimately, therapy gave us the space to learn how to utilize conflict as a way to gain a better understanding of each other rather than letting it be something that festers and drives us apart.
Clarity Counseling Center – Wilmington Couples Therapy
Interested in seeing how couples therapy could benefit you and your partner? Learn more about couples therapy and marriage counseling here. We also specialize in LGBTQIA+ Couples Therapy and even offer Couples Therapy For One if your partner isn’t willing to participate. Contact us today to schedule an appointment!
